Oh shit bois it's fucking winter outside, innit
Well uhh... this camera angle clearly isn't fucking working in this lighting
So.. uhh...
Yeah, now that is massively better
Ello blazers *a bunch of letters* here
How you guys doing today
And today
Welcome to a brand new video
Which is gonna be, sort of a story video
Now you see guys
The views of many of your favourite YouTuber's
That have been little bit down recently, you know
The views have been going down and nobody knows the fuck why
*Cuz you're shit*
You know, you see a lot of people saying shit on Twitter about it
And guess what
To revive my dead channel
Uhh
I decided to make a story video
It's not really a story video
But a uhh
Uhh (the cancer has spread to the brain)
I almost died video
This story however is pretty fucking untypical because it involves a fucking
Met-o-rite (fat Russian pig can't speak, cyka!)
(In Russian) "holy shit!"
Yes guys because of my very very limited time, because I'm studying,
*Has a stroke*
I've literally sunk to the fucking FaZe clan level at this point because
I mean you can literally make a fucking story out of FaZe clan titles
Just
Just look at this
Well I, I fucking agree, FaZe Rain,
You shouldn't be.
I mean to be fair
I'm allowed to make an 'I ALMOST DIED' video because
I mean
I have very very limited time
While FaZe Clan
They're full-time YouTuber's who are committed their entire days
To making YouTube videos (Russian faggot)
And yet they still come out with absolute shit
I mean this is fucking YouTube 2016 guys
You got such gems as uhh
FaZe Rug filming his fucking dog's shit on the carpet
And that is content 2016
Or for example you got this
Check this shit out
Like it's so creepy
What are you doing?
And the entire video was called like that
Because of one fucking flashing traffic light (it's a street light dumb Russian faggot)
So I mean
So you know with that absolute dog shit content
I mean literally
Dog shit content (hahaha go kill yourself)
This guy gets all millions of fucking views on every single video
Every single day
So I mean
Me making an "I ALMOST DIED" video
Is not eve- *has another stroke*
It's not even something bad
*dabs*
Now your boy *fat cunt* is truly blessed
Is truly a very lucky guy because I had uhh
Near death experience two times in my life and
I'm probably gonna tell only the first one
The most craziest one, but
I'm probably gonna tell the second as well
Just in case this video doesn't hit the 10 minute mark
Which we
All wanna hit on YouTube so fucking badly
But anyways guys if you're actually familiar with me
You know that I live in a Russian city of Chelyabinsk
Which is uhh
Uhh it's *another stroke*
It's a pretty big city
It has over 1 million people in it
You know Chelyabinsk is kind of like the Dallas of Russia, you know
It's just
It's not fucking remarkable
It's big (that caption is wrong)
But, like
Nobody actually goes there to travel or some shit like that
Nobody actually gives a fuck
Now here's the thing that only 2013 kids will remember
The thing is that... well
In 2013 my city, Chelyabinsk
Had witnessed a fucking
Meteorite falling over it
And exploding over it *( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*
And destroying a lot of shit
*(In Russian) "FUCK"
Yes guys it's absolutely crazy
It's absolutely insane
A literal fucking met-a-rite
Blew up above my fucking house
And it's not even funny
I, I, literally *has a seizure*
That was literally the scariest shit I've ever seen in my entire life
*laughs like a fat pig*
I just fucking love the videos that captured this incident
Because
You guys know that every single like person in Russia
Has a fucking dash cam
You know, because drivers in Russia are so fucking shit and it's
And there's so much fucking accidents
*seizure*
You know because accidents happen so often
People have actual cameras attached to like the front of their car or whatever
Or like inside of their car (yes, that's what a dash cam is)
And that way that it works is for example
If you get into a car accident or something
You can show that recording and prove that you're actually not the bad guy
And that you didn't cause the car crash, something like that (again, thanks for that)
It's actually a pretty cool thing, you guys in America should get it
But most of the time
Instead of actually capturing crah crashes
And being useful in that situation
Uhh
Those dash cams they usually capture people
Trying to deliberately kill themselves
Because they live in Russia
*NFKRZ trying to kill himself*
Or they capture fucking meteorites falling from the sky
*fat cunt*
I just love these fucking videos, like
It's absolutely crazy, right?
You're just driving your car (gay faggot giving a handjob)
On the fucking snowy street in Russia
And you see a fucking meteorite
You don't even know if it's a meteorite (but you just said it was a meteorite...)
Like it might be a fucking plane comes crashing down on your fucking city
It might be a fucking nuclear warhead flying towards your city, right?
And all this guy says
(In Russian) "*rude* damn"
I guess that's why Russian people are preserved (?) as badasses in the Western culture
And Western media
Because uhh
You see a fucking meteorite flying towards you uhh
To your fucking death
And all you say is
*gay noise*
So as you know in that city where this shit happened, well
Fucking meteor literally flew into our fucking atmosphere
And blew up above our fucking city, I mean
Cheblyanisk is kind of like a disaster city, uhh
In Russia anyways, like
There's a lot of memes that involve my city saying that you know
A lot of extraordinary shit
And a lot of like fucked up funny shit happens at my city
*stop playing with your gay ass hair*
And then
A fucking meteor just had to blow up above my city like
It's just fucking fueling the stereotype
Like, what the fuck?!
Anyways, yes, that Curse-day of February 15th of 2013
I was indeed in my city
And I did witness this shit and
Uhh
It was, it was really fucking scary
Basically back then in 2013
I think I was like in 9th grade or like 10th grade or something (and 200kg)
And I had a period in my life where I would skip school
Like
Guys, like I'm actually pretty good student ok? (riiight)
I'm trying to make YouTube videos here you know
But I'm actually studying really hard
And I've never, I've never like skipped classes or anything
And in 2013 though
I had this like period where I skip like literally 3 fucking weeks in school
It was absolutely just fucked up
And uhh February 15 of 2013
That was- *siezure*
That day just put an end to that
Because I was like
Fuck this shit dude, just fuck this shit
So that day I was skipping school my parents were not home
They were at work, and I'm just laying there (like a fat pig) like
You know on my phone or whatever
And I'm laying there and it's really really dark outside still
I think it was about like 9 am or something like that
Or 10 am and at that time in Russia it's still, when it's winter
The sun rises really really late
And goes down really really early
So it was still really dark as fuck right?
So I'm laying there and I don't see the window, right?
And I wouldn't even see the meteor anyway because
My house windows are like
The opposite way from where the meteor was actually flying
But I definitely did see the flash
So I'm laying there, it's completely fucking dark
And then in like 2 seconds right
It was almost like the sun has rised in 2 seconds
I mean, it was weird as fuck
I was like what the fuck is happening
Basically it was really really fucking dark
Then it goes absolutely fucking bright like it was fucking daytime right?
Like it's- it's the fucking afternoon
And then it kinda went darker again
So I'm just laying there you know, nothing much
And then the fucking apocalypse happens
The fucking nuclear bomb drops on my city
Because there's a huge fucking explosion
That just explodes (no fucking shit...)
And like, oh my God, it was just the fucking creepiest shit ever
So I hear a fucking huge explosion sound
The sound of cracking glass, and shit like that
So I immediately stand up from my bed
And everything in my fucking vision is absolutely fucking shaking
I mean
Uhh it was, it was such a fucking hard shockwave that it fucked up my vision
So I just stand up, right?
And this is what I did
Blyat X1000
You know the mission in COD 4 where you kinda, you know
Wake up from a fucking nuclear explosion
Then you get up and walk around the destroyed city
And then you fucking die
That was kinda my experience that day
That's like the closest thing you can ever come to fucking COD 4 in real life
So err-thing in my flat is fucking shaking
Like my vision is completely shaking and I'm just sitting there like
What is happening?
Is my fucking apartment building fucking collapsing or some shit like
Am I going to fucking die right now? (Wish you did)
I get close to my window
Assure myself that my fucking apartment building is indeed not collapsing
And I see just like freaked out people running away
Running from the store abo- below me (retard)
Because there's like a, you know, grocery store just like in my apartment building
And there are people like running out of it, like freaked out
Like wtf is happening, guys, wtf is happening?
And I started looking around my flat
And I see the 2 windows in my fucking flat just fucking collapsed
And one window on the balcony
Get completely fucking shattered
So immediately I started going online
And seeing people freaking out about it
There's like fucking people posting and stuff, saying
WTF JUST HAPPENED?!
People are saying stuff like: "oh dude it was a fucking plane crash
Like there's a fucking plane base or something out here
And a fucking training plane just fucking crashed or some shit
It was a plane exploding in the air" whatever, like
There was so much fucking theories going around
*stroke*
It was just crazy, right?
So I'm already fucking terrified and confused, right?
And then I get a call from my mum
And that call
*fat pig takes all our oxygen*
It was something out a fucking horror movie
It was some shit like out of "2012" or "The Day After Tomorrow"
Because, oh my God
So my mum calls me right?
And I just hear fucking screams
Like I'm picking up the phone and I'm like:
"Hey mum"
And there's just fucking screaming
And it sounds of *imitates* shattering glass
And fucking people screaming and shit and falling over
And you're on the phone right?
And then she's just like:
"SON THERE'S A FUCKING PLANE THAT CRASHED INSIDE OUR BUILDING
THERE'S LIKE A FUCKING PLANE THAT CRASHED IN THE CITY DUDE"
And I'm there just like: "what, what plane, what plane crash
Did you see it? Did you see the plane crash?"
So I'm like; "wtf is happening"
And then the call, there's like fucking sounds of shattering glass and shit breaking
And the call just fucking abruptly ends, right and
That's it, the fucking meteor
It fucking killed like the moob-ile communication system or whatever
It was just the creepiest shit ever like
Your mum calls you fucking screaming
There's like sounds of fucking people screaming, shit breaking in the background
She says that a fucking plane crashed into her fucking workplace
And then the call just abruptly ends
And you're left with yourself
This is the *voice crack* creepiest shit ever
So you know later, the *seizure* mobile system was actually back up
And my mum was able to call me again
And she said come over to her place
Because she was fucking terrified from life or whatever
And I came to her workplace
And then we just went home again
The entire fucking day after that
I was fucking terrified
Because there were people going around saying
There was literally some fucking stupid news or gossip saying that
"Yeah guys, actually a second meteorite is gonna be coming as well
So uhh
This evening guys, be prepared for another second fucking meteorite"
Like wut tah fuck?
Like that shit was scary alright?
I was not like a little kid anymore
I mean, I did look like this back then, right but
I still was not like the tiniest kid but I still was fucking terrified by this
And so were many adults, right
So that entire day I spent away from my fucking windows
because, uhh, you know
just in case if a fucking meteorite, the second meteorite for today
because you know meteorites are just so common now and then
that you know, uhh, it's gonna happen two times in the same fucking day
I just stayed away from the fucking windows and everything
the whole day that day because
just in case, y'know,
just in case the second fucking meteorite blows up
and fucking pieces of shattered glass just smashes into my face
I would prefer that not to happen (I would)
So no, absolutely scariest shit story and honestly
I'm kinda proud of it because uhh
I, I feel like I'm one of the few people on the Earth
who actually got to experience a fucking meteor
a space ass-teroid
exploding in their fucking face
like not many people have witnessed that
and not many people have experienced that
I mean, it's not a cool thing
We have uff
we had our fucking windows get destroyed, right
we had to pay for them and get new ones
But still
*chokes on dick* in my opnion
in the end
it's worth the experience
and I'm definitely very very happy that this happened to me
so I can actually have a nice story to tell on my channel on YouTube now
and get some YouTube revenue
So thank you Mr. Ass-teroid
But yeah guys, that's pretty much it for this video
Hopefully you did enjoy this "I ALMOST DIED" story because
in my opinion it's pretty fucking interesting
And yeah, the moral of the story is that
if a fucking meteor comes crashing in your city
and destroys your entire fucking life
uhh
embrace it dude
Fucking embrace it
But anyways guys
Thank you so much for watching this video
If you did enjoy it make sure to slap that mother fucking like on it
And I will see you guys
In the next one
PEEeeAAAAaaaCCeeee
*gay laugh*
See ya